God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
