I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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