I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
