walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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