i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
