I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
