I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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