matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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