I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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