You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
