I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize