Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
