he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
