I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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