the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
