i don't like sucking hair
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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