Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
