ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
