just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
