its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
