I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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