We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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