a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
