That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Text me some of your sweat
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize