I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
where am i from again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
