Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
