The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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