there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
