he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
