Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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