For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
