you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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