AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
