dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
