I feel great
I just peed on a car
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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