Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My bed smells like the plague
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