My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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