The maid of honor just puked.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
