did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
