if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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