Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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