I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
