i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
