He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
