We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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