i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
