I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
