he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
vagina is talking i cant
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
