it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize