Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
