my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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