ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
