I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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