words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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