I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
