some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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