Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
