i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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