I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize