Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
