I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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