Cold hands, warm shart.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
