Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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