Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
