You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
