So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think your dad took our porno
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
