I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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